Accept yourself for who you are November 9, 2012

Ladies, as you age, please do not degrade your appearance verbally in front of your husband. As he ages, he is attracted to you, not what you were or “could be”.

I am seeing a trend of women becoming so vain. Women constantly worry about how they look and dress.  It seems they can’t have enough clothes, shoes, purses, & ‘stuff’.  Most women spend way too much time in the mirror judging themselves!

It’s fine to be yourself- be strong, independent, not helpless- but, remember that men have a need to meet your needs. Two people with the abilities and designs to be perfect compliments to each other often clash horribly when one or both refuses to meet the other’s need(s).

God designed us women perfectly- there are no mistakes in His design! Anything you may be lacking (whether or not you perceive it), your mate was designed to fulfill. What you dislike about your mate is often not something for you to try to change, but something to teach you what you decided not to learn or to help you change yourself.

Love is truly not about attraction. Attraction (of men to women) is built in to their design. Real love is kindness and graciousness in spite of what is unattractive. Real love seeks to meet the other person’s needs, not satisfy its own needs.

I am a new creature, not self-designed; I have begun to allow God to re-shape my thinking after 13 years of feeling like a failure at being a wife and mother. I have learned not to try to pressure my spouse to change; that leads to frustration, anxiety, and failed false-expectations. I pray and trust the One who designed my spouse for me, to change him when it is time AND to reveal to me the changes I must make for him.

Let us worship together

When we all go to church as a family (we have a 2 and a 3 year old), our toddler likes to sometimes laugh, stand up, etc., and when he does he makes a lot of noise. I myself get very nervous, and have even left service early because I feel that I am preventing others from receiving the message. However, after praying about it, we always feel encouraged and ready to try again. I figure that church is the last place where people should be insensitive and cruel, because we as parents are only trying to expose our little ones to our beliefs (plant the seed to create a foundation for them to want to learn more as they get older). While we have encountered dirty looks and people even moving to other aisles, we trust that God knows our hearts and understands our motives. I try to stay encouraged and trust that I know in my heart my motives are pure, everything will work out fine. Toddlers especially have a hard time sitting still for long periods of time. Also, I like the comfort of having my kids with me in church. I at least want them to be able to speak and communicate with me to tell me what they are learning and doing while being watched by someone else. I know I am not alone 🙂

Jesus said “let the little children come to me.” I believe that you go to church to worship God and since we are to train our children to worship Him, there is nothing wrong with having your child with you. My son is 22 months old and I have kept him with me from the start; some days he is great, other times not as great. Every now and again, I get reminders that we have a “toddler room” (which I have worked in) but I still keep him with me. To those who feel that “if you are going to have your child in church … then what was the point in even coming to church?” How can you walk with God everyday among all the disruption of life when you cannot worship with children around you?

I bring enough books, snacks and other things to keep him occupied. Does he sometimes get loud? Yes. Should the others around me be understanding about the importance of teaching my little one where he should be at that time? I think so. Do I have a hard time concentrating on the service sometimes? OH YEAH!… But we get to be together, sharing church as a family and my 2 year old is learning that he should be there and how to behave – even if it will probably take a little time!

Some pastors encourage their ‘participation’ but I know not all want that. Some pastors reiterate that we are a church family and it is EVERYONE’s responsibility to help our children participate in the church service. I have found that it’s best to keep it going; when you leave the children win. I have found it to be helpful to have ‘church only’ items stored in their own diaper bag so it’s a treat to get those particular toys and a few snacks. It just gives them something to look forward to. We have also tried my spouse & I alternating weeks going to church alone while the other watches the little ones.  None of us liked that too much.!

Church service is just like everything else we must teach our children. It takes time and patience.

BandAids

I wanted to share with you something that God has been doing in my life.  A few monthss back someone from our former church called my husband & began to talk bad about me, to him, telling him- he needed to get me to stop saying things on facebook.  After this person brought it to my husband’s attention, I showed him the things written.  He didn’t see a problem with anything that was said.  I began to pray quite a bit about it.  Then, I issued my facebook friends an apology.   It was after this that God really began speaking to me during my prayer time.  I was so angry at this person for calling my husband.  I felt if the person cared at all about me, this person should have called me.

One day, while praying, God used this person to teach me the importance of edifying others.  He also showed me that I was looking at the situation through my hurt eyes….& I needed to look at things through His eyes.  When we see things through our hurt, we aren’t seeing things the way they truly are.  He reminded me to keep myself in check & to make sure I am looking at each situation through His eyes.

I am a visual learner….He even gave me a very visual image.  It was my body covered in wounds & each wound has a bandaid that He lovingly placed over them, so that the wound may heal.  Some bandaids, I could maybe  peel off & the wound is completely healed…others are in the healing process.  We all have some sort of hurt, sometimes it may be covered with a bandaid, awaiting healing & we are unaware of it.  The point, all wounds take time to heal.  Some hurt deeply, others may not be felt at all, but are still visible.  When we look at things through our hurt we tend to not give any mercy.  I am so thankful that He shows me mercy, but I am sometimes not as willing to show others mercy.  Yes, I am loving, caring, sympathetic…..but when I reach a certain point I just walk away & don’t look back, or I shut down & become numb.  This is an area He is working on me.

You see, everything we experience He has allowed to happen.  He has allowed this so that we may grow & learn some new wisdom.  We are NEVER too grown or too wise….there is ALWAYS room for improvement.  Yes, He loves us right where we are, but He loves us even more by still showing us mercy & continuing to allow us the opportunity to become more like Him.  I am thankful that I am still worthy of a BandAid.

Thrifty Living Doesn’t Mean Being Poor

Actually, it’s because we are frugal that we can afford things. I find it very interesting how people think that if you live frugally you can’t ever own anything nice. Frugal living is about spending the money you do have wisely. We have been working very hard since we were first married to be completely debt free, including our home. As Greg said, “The entire point of living frugally is so that you don’t have to be poor”.

We are able to live on one income because we don’t waste money on things like: frequently eating out, tons of extra activities for the kids, buying DVD’s or video games, going on multiple vacations, high electric bills (we set our air at 78 during the summer & use the fireplace in the winter), buying brand new vehicles, spending tons on a cell phone data plan for every family member (our cell bill is $100 per yr).  All of this adds up big.  Our home is now 85% paid off.

I hear all the time from people who say you are so “lucky” that you can stay at home with your kids and don’t have to work. Luck has nothing to do with it. It takes hard work and sacrifice! I see tired and worn out mom after mom who “wishes she could be a stay home mom but just can’t”. They spend $100 a month getting their hair and nails done. They are driving a brand new car. They eat out constantly. They are tired and live in houses that are way out of their budget. In the end they are working for things that aren’t even going to be there in a few hours, let alone a few years.

 

The entire point of living frugally is that you choose not to spend money on things that aren’t important or won’t last so that you can spend your money on things that will last. For us, the important thing is being there for our kids and providing a secure and peaceful home for them. Greg and I hardly ever fight over money because money isn’t an issue for us.

In the beginning of our marriage we made the choice to live within our means. I know many couples who were married about the same time we were, had twice the income and chose to get the nice house first. Now they are fighting constantly over money, always yelling at their kids because they are stressed out, and on the verge of bankruptcy, all because they chose to buy things they can’t afford.

Another point I want to make is that some “poor” people are making themselves poor. I’ve known many “poor” families. Many of them are always paying their bills late and live in run down houses, both parents are working and the kids are a mess, and they’re just so “poor” they can barely make it.  The problem is when you start looking at the true picture, all five family members have a cell phone, they have a collection of 500+ DVD’s, multiple video game systems, eat out every day (it’s “just the dollar menu” “it’s just one delivered pizza”) and drink nothing but sodas. This is a case where the family has it set in their minds that they are “poor” so they are going to spend $20 here and there to make themselves feel better to the point that they spend literally thousands of dollars on junk every year instead of improving their financial position.

One of the reasons so many people don’t want to be frugal– because they think that means they must be poor and deny themselves everything. They don’t want to do that and they are also worried about what others would think of them.

Being poor and frugal are two totally different things. It’s like comparing apples and oranges. Being poor means you have nothing at all. You can be extremely rich and be frugal because being frugal means being careful or a wise steward of your money. If you want to throw in being cheap (that means you can have money, but you are stingy with it). Some of the wealthiest people in the world got there by being frugal and doing things like driving used cars and many of them still do these things. They don’t do these things because they are poor but because they are wise and frugal.

I’m not telling you this because I feel I need to justify myself but to tell you that it is not wise to judge people by their outward appearances. Sometimes when we don’t have all of the information, it is easy to jump to conclusions about people that simply aren’t true.

 

With all of the love my family has & shares…..I feel rich.  God has blessed us SO much.  ❤

Friendship

I look on Facebook & see that I have 300+ friends.  However, I know that I have not one true friend.  I see the friendships my husband has with others & realize I have no one like that.  It seems every time I am faced with a new friendship, I am betrayed or hurt to the point that I want to just shut everyone out & be alone.  Then I am left asking myself, is it me????  So, as always, I turn to the Bible to see what information it has to offer in this area.

“What does the Bible say about friends?”

Human beings were created to be social creatures, meaning that we are most comfortable when we have family, friends, and acquaintances. Friendship is an important element in a fulfilled, contented life, and those who have close friends, whether one or two or a multitude, will usually be happy and well-adjusted. At the same time, those who call themselves our friends may cause us grief and hardship, constantly disappointing us. So what exactly is a friend and what does the Bible have to say about friends?

On the positive side, friends can console and help us when we are in trouble, as when Barzillai consoled David when he was being hunted by Saul (2 Samuel 19:31-30) or when Jephthah’s daughter’s friends consoled her before her death (Judges 11:37-38). A friend may also rebuke in love, proving more faithful than a hypocritical flatterer (Proverbs 27:6). One of the greatest biblical examples of friendship is David and Jonathan, son of King Saul. Jonathan’s loyalty to his friend, David, exceeded that to his own father or his own ambitions (1 Samuel 18:1-4, 20:14-17). So attached was David to his loyal friend that after Jonathan’s death, he wrote a song to him, a tribute filled with heart-wrenching words (2 Samuel 1:30-32). Theirs was a friendship closer than brotherhood. In the New Testament, many of Paul’s letters begin and end with tributes to his friends, those who ministered to him, supported him, prayed for him, and loved him.

Friendship can have its negative aspects as well. Supposed friends can lead us into sin, as when Jonadab persuades Amnon to rape his half-sister, Tamar (2 Samuel 13:1-6). A friend can lead us astray in regard to our faith, as they sometimes did in Israel, leading others to worship false gods (Deuteronomy 13:6-11). In those days, such an act was punishable by death. Even if our friends do not lead us astray, they can provide false comfort and bad advice, as Job’s friends did, making his suffering worse and displeasing the Lord (Job 2:11-13, 6:14-27, 42:7-9). Friends can also prove false, pretending affection for their own motives and deserting us when our friendship no longer benefits them (Psalm 55:12-14; Proverbs 19:4, 6-7). Friendship can be broken down through gossip (Proverbs 16:28) or grudges (Proverbs 17:9). Friends should be chosen very carefully because, as Paul told the Corinthians, “bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33).

Proverbs 1:10-19 and 4:14-19 contains warnings about friends and how we should choose them. We are not to associate with those who entice us to do wrong, no matter how appealing their “friendship” seems to be. Those whose “feet rush to sin” should be avoided. The path they choose is no place for a Christian whose choice should be to follow the “path of the righteous.” Only that path leads to friendship with God, which is the ultimate goal of a Christian.

“What is true friendship according to the Bible?”

The Lord Jesus Christ gave us the definition of a true friend: “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:13-15). Jesus is the pure example of a true friend, for He laid down His life for His “friends.” What is more, anyone may become His friend by trusting in Him as his personal savior, being born again and receiving new life in Him.

There is an example of true friendship between David and Saul’s son Jonathan, who, in spite of his father Saul’s pursuit of David and attempts to kill him, stood by his friend. You will find that story in 1 Samuel chapter 18 through chapter 20. Some pertinent passages are 1 Samuel 18:1-4; 19: 4-7; 20:11-17, 41-42.

Proverbs is another good source of wisdom regarding friends. “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17). “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24). The issue here is that in order have a friend, one must be a friend. “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses” (Proverbs 27:6). “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17).

The principle of friendship is also found in Amos. “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3 KJV). Friends are of like mind. The truth that comes from all of this is a friendship is a relationship that is entered into by individuals, and it is only as good or as close as those individuals choose to make it. Someone has said that if you can count your true friends on the fingers of one hand, you are blessed. A friend is one whom you can be yourself with and never fear that he or she will judge you. A friend is someone that you can confide in with complete trust. A friend is someone you respect and that respects you, not based upon worthiness but based upon a likeness of mind.

Finally, the real definition of a true friend comes from the Apostle Paul: “For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:7-8). “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” (John 15:13). Now, that is true friendship!

I had a true friend once.  Things became so difficult because of hurt caused by a family member of her’s, that I had to walk away.  The hurt was so overwhelming for a long time; I just never let anyone be that close to me.   My friendship with Jesus became most precious to me.  As I found myself in a church family, I began giving friendship another try.  Only to realize that in church, some Christians are superficial & some are genuine.  After walking away from the church that I called home for seven years, I realized that no one is as genuine as my Jesus.  He has never hurt nor abandoned me.  He remains true to me no matter what the circumstances are.

I have learned that my husband is my best friend.  He is the one that I will walk through this life with and make many cherished memories with.  I am thankful that God sent him to me.  No one should walk through life alone.

My two older girls each have someone to call a best friend.  I watch them as they play with them.  There is such a pure and sweet innocents about their friendship.  I know that my own lack of a friend will not affect their ability to be a friend.

Someday God may choose a friend for me, one that I will be able to cherish.  Until then, I will be a faithful friend to others & cherish my friendship with Jesus, my husband, and children.  When all has been said and done, the truth remains my destiny.  That truth is to love others as Christ loved me.

A husband’s to do list…..

(written from a wife’s prespective)

 Respect– (including in front of others) Also, we really love when you open the door for me.
 Conversation– (more than 15min) Don’t let your conversations with your wife dwindle to nothing but talk about our kids, your job, & the weather.
 Listen well– It’s really disheartening for us to share my thoughts & feelings with someone & then realize they didn’t actually listen. We want you to not only listen with your ears, but to listen with your heart.
 Sharing– Household & raising our children responsibilities Chores & child care are not a wife’s sole responsibility. We shouldn’t have to ask you to do your share around the house.
 A day off now & then– This means that we will be free from worrying about what is happening with the kids, the house, & you. We deserve a break. We need you to provide this for us, so we can be emotionally & physically healthy.
 Commitment to take care of yourself both physically & emotionally- You are notorious for not taking care of yourself when it comes to health issues. This isn’t fair to us. A wife is your lover, not your mother. Please, take responsibility for your own health concerns.
 Willingness to make time for me & the kids- Having quality time with your wife & the kids isn’t something that just happens. You have to make it happen by not only making the plans, but by following through. Time with us has to be a high priority for you.
 Praise me- (in front of others)
 Compassion/forgiveness toward others- (this includes our kids) We often feel we have to go behind you & edify
 Faithful– We need to know & feel that I am the ONLY one.
 Try to be understanding of our moods, attitude, feelings, values, likes, & dislikes- Respect our opinions, instead of trying to press us to see things your way.
 A shoulder– We need to know that it is okay to cry on your shoulder when we are upset.
 At least every 2 days (no longer than a week)

Hello world! February 14, 2011

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